Emotions As A Compass Through Unexpected Change
There are two kinds of change: changes you choose, and changes you don't.
You get to prepare for the changes you choose.
You can take your time, or not. You can make decisions about how and when things shift.
Unwanted changes, though … those mfs typically don’t come with the same level of autonomy.
Your choices become reactions, often on some timetable that isn’t your own. And changes you don’t want tend to come with a lot of additional tough emotions.
You may find yourself shoving down those emotions, because social pressure often pushes you to act now, feel later.
But those feelings have messages in them.
The sadness may show you what you’ll miss (and what you may want to look for again in the future).
The frustration and anger may show you where you were mistreated, or where a boundary was broken (and what you want to avoid going forward). Or, maybe it shows you an area where your own behavior isn’t what you wish it had been, and want to do differently in the future.
The confusion shows you areas where maybe things aren’t quite settled. Where more understanding is needed.
And the quiet silver linings can help you heal.
The first step, though, is to acknowledge that you didn’t ask for this. It’s hard to see what insights your feelings have to offer if you’re still trying to push things back to where they were.
In the coming years, how you do your work is likely to be impacted by new tech, new processes, new systems.
Some amount (maybe a lot) may be in ways that you don’t choose.
Let it be okay to be sad or mad or frustrated, at least for a bit. Have empathy for yourself that you’ve got this new thing to figure out that you weren’t planning on.
And be clear with yourself about the root of those feelings. It’s easy to be angry at the tech, or capitalism, or the patriarchy. But those are big issues that you (probably) aren’t planning to tackle in your future work (unless they are, in which case, go forth and unconquer!). Anger at larger targets can keep you stuck and angry, and often mask underlying issues - that your boss wasn’t supportive, that the company prioritized profit over employee wellness, that the demands of the job shifted and no longer fit your current skillset, etc.
When you look at the more personal reasons for your feelings, you will be better able to use them.
They can help you see if you want to find a company that prioritizes its employees (those companies do exist). Maybe you want to find a supportive team to work with, or maybe you want to work for yourself. Or that you need to identify new skills to learn.
Feel your feelings, be honest and gentle with yourself.
And then use those feelings to show you the way forward.
